In This Article
- What overwhelm can reveal about our expectations of ourselves.
- Recognizing the feelings beneath the need to get things right.
- How uncomfortable experiences bring hidden feelings to our awareness.
- Accepting ourselves while we are still learning and growing.
- Finding greater inner peace through patience and self-acceptance.
I never expected that taking a Tai Chi class would teach me how easily I can become overwhelmed. After all, Tai Chi is supposed to help us relax, find balance, and attain inner peace. Yet here I was, feeling stressed because I couldn't keep up with the other students.
The classes at the local Senior Center are not really geared toward beginners. They're designed primarily for continuing students, and newcomers have to play catch-up. But perhaps that's part of my lesson as well. I don't have to keep up with everyone else. I only have to proceed at a pace that works for me.
Since these classes continue season after season, year after year, most of the people attending have been taking them for several years. They all know each other, and of course, they know each other's names.
As one of only a few newcomers, I find myself trying to learn the names of 20 or more people in each class. Then there's the challenge of keeping up with the actual classes. Whether it's Tai Chi, dancing, or sewing, the experienced students already know what they're doing, while I'm struggling to catch up.
But the most interesting part of this experience is not what is being taught in these classes. It's what I'm discovering about myself.
Discovering Hidden Lessons
When I was in school as a child, learning came easily to me, so I never really experienced what it was like to struggle to learn something. And while I did not consider myself competitive as a child, perhaps because I was never interested in sports, I'm now discovering something rather surprising.
Perhaps competition isn't always about winning a game or being "the best". Sometimes it's about wanting to learn quickly, to be capable, and to do at least as well as everyone else.
Being the student who knows the least, the one who struggles to get things right, is bringing up feelings I hadn't realized were there. I'm discovering that when I don't get it right, feelings of inadequacy, failure, and being lesser than others begin to surface.
It's been a very interesting and enlightening process.
When Tai Chi Becomes Stressful
Someone asked me recently how I was enjoying my Tai Chi class, and I found myself responding, "It's stressful." Now, of course, that's the exact opposite of Tai Chi's intended result.
But there I was, trying to follow movements that other students had been practicing for years, while also discovering that I seem to have some left-right coordination issues.
I was born left-handed but was forced to become right-handed as a child, and I wonder whether this may have contributed to my difficulty coordinating movements. Sometimes, especially in sports-related activities, I feel as though I have two left feet, or two left hands.
But beyond the physical challenges, I'm discovering something more important. Much of my stress is coming from my expectations of myself, my need to keep up, and my discomfort with not getting things right.
Of course, I can also ask for help or clearer instructions. Taking responsibility for my reactions doesn't mean I have to figure everything out on my own.
No one has told me I have to learn as quickly as everyone else. That pressure is something I've been putting on myself. And that realization has been more valuable than learning any particular Tai Chi movement.
One Name at a Time
One of the students in my sewing class gave me a very good suggestion about learning names. She told me that rather than trying to remember everyone's name at once, she focused on learning just one person's name per class, per week. That's manageable. That's doable.
Another friend said he takes the time, every evening, to remember the names of the people he's met that day. The process of remembering them before going to sleep helps him anchor the names in his memory.
And I realized that the same approach could apply to everything else I'm learning. Rather than trying to master all the Tai Chi movements that other people have spent years practicing, I've decided to focus on just one movement at a time. Then I can focus on remembering that one, and only that one.
Once I become comfortable with one step or one name, I can progress to another. This gives me the opportunity to succeed rather than continually feeling that I'm failing. It also takes away much of the pressure I've been putting on myself.
The Real Lesson
So I'm discovering that, as with many things in life, the true lesson is not necessarily in the thing I think I'm learning.
The real lesson isn't just in the Tai Chi itself or the dancing itself. It's in the emotions triggered by my experiences and in my attitude.
And of course, our lessons often have to do with our inner fears, our sense of not being good enough, our discomfort with making mistakes, and our need to fit in and get it right.
We all have issues, and they get triggered by the situations we find ourselves in. Now your issues or life lessons may be different than mine. But whatever they are, they will often surface in situations where you don't feel comfortable.
Whether a situation triggers fears, anger, low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, or something else, there may be more to learn than the external experience first suggests. There is also what that experience brings up inside of us, what we need to look at, understand, and eventually make peace with.
Life Is the Classroom
I see life as a school, and the teachers can appear in the form of a new workmate, classmate, boss, clerk at a grocery store, or whoever we meet in our daily endeavors. These encounters can help us get in touch with our soft spots or trigger points so that we can heal them and not let them trip us up in the future.
I find that the main ingredient needed in this process is awareness. Not only awareness of the problem, but awareness of our reaction, of what is triggered within us. The more we pay attention to our feelings and our body's reactions, the more we can learn about ourselves and what within us needs love and healing.
Some of our issues stem from many years ago, possibly when we were young children. We may have kept them buried all these years in our striving to go to get ahead and get things done. But perhaps what really needs our attention is the healing within.
The anger, the fear, the frustration, the resentment, the feelings of inadequacy or impatience. Whatever emotions churn within us when things are not flowing smoothly in our life.
One Step at a Time
Our goal, or at least my goal, is to attain a space where my inner peace is not easily shaken by outside circumstances, whether they be people or classes or world events.
It doesn't mean we don't care. It doesn't mean we ignore things. Rather, it means that we pay attention to what we're feeling and make peace with the emotion so that we can be better balanced and better equipped to deal with the challenges of life.
It's difficult to deal with challenges when we are feeling overwhelmed, overburdened, overstressed, and incapable of coping. Sometimes the way forward begins with one little thing at a time, one step at a time. Just as the saying goes, don't bite off more than you can chew.
We cannot heal years of turmoil and repressed emotions in one day or one week. As we gain clarity and make peace with what we're feeling, we can move on to another. One at a time, so we don't feel overwhelmed and give up. And sometimes we may need a trusted someone to help us through that process.
That applies to so many things, whether we're working on a new lifestyle, changing our diet, or seeking to overcome an addiction. I think there is wisdom in the familiar reminder to take one day at a time. What feels impossible when we look at the whole thing may become more manageable when we simply focus on the next step.
I have found, and maybe you have found the same thing, that when I start feeling overwhelmed, all I want to do is give up and immerse myself in something else, whether that's chocolate, online diversions, or some other method of self-medication.
The Path to Inner Peace
Overwhelm can lead to giving up because we feel we just can't handle it all. And I don't think we're meant to handle it all at once.
At times, we may be demanding way too much of ourselves and others. We put so much pressure on ourselves, then end up frustrated and angry because it didn't work out.
But we only have two hands and one mind. When several things demand our attention, trying to do them all at once can leave us jumping back and forth, never giving any one thing the attention it needs. That process is exhausting and not a recipe for success, let alone a recipe for inner peace.
A child does not go from crawling to running in one day or in one step. It takes a while. It takes many tries and many tumbles. It's an ongoing process until the child is walking, and later, running. Thus it is for us, even as adults, as we face a new task, whether it's learning something new or dealing with an old issue that we are seeking to heal and balance.
One step at a time. One day at a time. One challenge at a time. Remembering to breathe. And to accept that we may not get it right the first time.
For me, right now, that means allowing myself to be a beginner. Focusing on my feet and letting the hand gestures wait. Learning one name without expecting myself to remember all the others.
And remembering that I can still enjoy the class while I'm learning. I don't have to get every movement right to give myself a little room to breathe, a little patience, and a little inner peace.
About The Author
Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal empowerment, and well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of joy and creativity.
Creative Commons 3.0: This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 License. Attribute the author: Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com. Link back to the article: This article originally appeared on InnerSelf.com
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Article Recap
Feeling overwhelmed can reveal more than a busy schedule or a difficult task. It can bring us face-to-face with our expectations, fear of failure, and discomfort with being a beginner. Through her experiences in Tai Chi and other classes, Marie T. Russell explores how awareness, patience, and focusing on one thing at a time can ease the pressure we place on ourselves and make room for greater inner peace.
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#SelfAcceptance #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalAwareness
#InnerSelf #innerselfcom
